Here at Dinosaurs! WTF?, I try to maintain logic and clear headedness when faced with the constant horror of the dinosaur threat. I try to only pursue plausible ideas for how dinosaurs will achieve their awful resurrection. I try to trust scientific fact, and I use the ideas of the scientific community to build my own ideas.
But science keeps telling me that dinosaurs lived more and more recently, and it is making me lose my once firm handhold on my ceaseless terror.
Dinosaurs survived 700,000 years after the meteorite collision, according to scientists in Alberta (a place so keenly aware of dinosaurs that it was named after a Tyrannosaurid). That meteorite, widely hailed by the dinosaur readiness movement as a selfless hero, apparently failed to fell the hadrosaurs. Does this mean that previous scientists were slightly off in their estimations of dinosaur extinction? Or are hadrosaurs rewriting the past, exploiting some sort of time loop? Does it matter? The Dinosaur Readiness Movement cannot abide hadrosaurs living any more recently than they already have.
“But editor,” you might be saying, “hadrosaurs are hardly the most frightening dinosaurs. They aren’t even carnivores.”
It doesn’t matter if they were carnivores. Let’s not forget that most murderers do not eat their victims. Let’s also not forget that Iguanodon was a hadrosaur. Iguanodon had daggers instead of thumbs. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU NEED DAGGERS INSTEAD OF THUMBS? Dinosaur evolution is almost entirely about developing knives in as many places as possible. If these knife wielding maniacs have somehow accessed the Time Vortex, we need to know. You hear that, science?
This is one of those culture changing discoveries, like vaccination or lightning rods. Mark my words. What does it mean in the short term, now that you have freaking hadrosaurs creeping up to the Paleocene? Whenever you hear someone say that the dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago, you have to correct them.
“Oh, um, last I checked it was 64.3 million years ago,” you’ll say casually to conceal the overwhelming fear that boils just under the surface, “unless the FUCKING HADROSAURS are FUCKING WITH TIME AGAIN.”
